


Longer than Four Hours

by ilvos01



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Comedy, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-11
Updated: 2013-03-11
Packaged: 2017-12-04 23:10:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/716143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilvos01/pseuds/ilvos01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lord English was defeated by an act of bravery from a certain green-skinned teen.<br/>Now she had to deal with living with other people, a crush on her best friend, and being a giant immortal space-snake.<br/>What's not to love?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Once upon a time, there were twelve children.  
  
Now, if I were to say that, you would probably imagine twelve normal human children, wouldn’t you?  
  
Oh, who am I kidding. You’re a Homestuck fan! You pictured twelve trolls. A very specific twelve trolls, I’d imagine. But you’d be incorrect.  
  
Allow me to be more specific. Once upon a time, there were twelve children- eight humans, three trolls, and a cherub. There, that’s much better.  
  
Not too long ago, these twelve children had dealt with a very sticky situation. They were tasked with defeating an almost-immortal adult cherub, who had a large amount of power. The battle was long, but eight humans, three trolls, and one cherub did their best.  
  
They almost lost. Despite being gods themselves, none of the children managed to defeat Lord English. (That’s the adult cherub, by the way) They were almost on the brink of destruction, about to lose their universe and their lives.  
  
Then, the one young cherub did something very brave.  
  
This cherub, (named Calliope) (okay let’s stop pretending you don’t know everyone’s names) Calliope had somehow acquired a magical red crowbar, that allowed her to manipulate many temporally-oriented things to her will. Upon the cusp of defeat, Calliope used the crowbar on the only thing she knew could defeat Lord English.  
  
Calliope used the crowbar on herself.  
  
Now, of course, most would attest to the fact that a young cherub is not a temporal artifact. What would the crowbar do? Well, Callie had a hunch. She had a hunch that the crowbar would allow her to predominate over her brother, taking control of his body.  
  
She was wrong. Like, _really_ wrong.  
  
So now, the battle was won. Handily. Lord English was no more, and his influence vanished. The twelve children were free to create a new universe, and get situated for their new lives.  
  
Once upon a time, there were twelve children- eight humans, three trolls, and a giant adult-cherub immortal space snake.  
  
Get ready for the long haul, boys and girls. This is _Homestuck: Longer than Four Hours._


	2. Big Snake

Five of the aforementioned twelve teenagers were standing on a pyramid, in the Land of Pyramids and Neon. They were all sort of standing around, not sure what to do.  
  
Another teenager was floating directly above the pyramid, getting her gargantuan eye as close to the meeting place as she dared. Cosmic energy cracked and sizzled as it flowed through her body, putting on quite the display for the humans below.  
  
Roxy stared up at Calliope. “So... you’re a giant snake.”  
  
“ **Yes**!” Callie’s cheerful voice echoed through the planet, still high-pitched and musical, despite being so incredibly loud.  
  
Roxy nodded. “Alright, so, as much as I loved to watch you beat the snot out of your bro, I’m still iffy as to _why_ you’re a giant snake.”  
  
Not-so-super subtly, John Egbert coughed. (You’ll find that John Egbert is not-so-super-subtle about a lot of things) “Uh, actually, I can explain that.”  
  
Rose glanced at him, surprised. “You can?”  
  
He nodded. “Yeah, Vriska’s ancestor-person explained it to me when I was asleep. Basically, they turn into giant immortal snakes when they mate.”  
  
“ **Oooh, see, that would explain it.** ” Callie’s voice once again thundered across the landscape. “ **I used the crowbar thinking that it would pry me from my revived-ghost state and into my brother’s body, but instead it forced open my connection to the arcane universal energies used for mating.** ”  
  
Roxy nodded. “Uh-huh. That’s... interesting. So you turn into a giant snake to dance the horizontal mamba?”  
  
“ **That’s right.** ”  
  
“Okay cool.” Roxy scratched the back of her neck. “So... how do you fix it?”  
  
“She can’t,” Rose stated. Everyone turned to her, expectant. She shrugged. “John was right, that is what cherubs do to mate. Typically, the mating cycle opens the arcane connection, which closes again when the cycle is complete.”  
  
Roxy began stammering. “B-b-but she never-“  
  
“No, she didn’t,” Rose continued, “she instead used the crowbar. This pried open her access, allowing the metamorphosis, without the mating cycle. Now it’s stuck.”  
  
Jade spoke up. “Wouldn’t using the crowbar again fix it?”  
  
Dirk jumped on the question. “I’m guessing it won’t work because you can’t pry something shut, right?”  
  
Rose nodded. “Indeed. Calliope, you can’t go back to normal.”  
  
“ **Oh. Well, that’d be fine, but...** ”  
  
“No, that’s not fine!” Roxy shouted. “You won’t be able to do any cool stuff with us! Or anything! You’ll just sorta fly around above us, watching us have fun. There’s gotta be something we can do!”  
  
“ **...Yes, that. But, really, Roxy, there’s no need to-** “  
  
“No buts!” Roxy pointed a finger at Jade. “You! Lady-English!”  
  
Jade grimaced. “It’s Harley, actually.”  
  
“Whatever.” Roxy waved her hands around. “You can shrink stuff, right?”  
  
Rose nodded. “That could work. But Jade, if you did this, it would be the largest thing you had ever manipulated.”  
  
“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Jade craned her neck at the giant snake-face that was currently their sky. “But I have to try, right? Callie, are you okay with this?”  
  
“ **Oh, yes. It would be ever so convenient to be properly-sized again.** ”  
  
“But you’ll still be a snake,” Jade pointed out. “I can only make you a more manageable snake.”  
  
“ **Again fine.** ”  
  
Jade smiled, then cracked her knuckles. “Alright, let’s do this.” Without a word, she rocketed into the sky. Rose quickly followed, tailed by John. Roxy was about to go, when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Dirk pulled her back downwards.  
  
Roxy frowned. “What is it?”  
  
“Listen, Roxy, I know this is hard for you,” Dirk explained, “but you need to calm down a little, okay? You’re being a bit short-tempered.”  
  
“Of course I’m being short-tempered!” Roxy fumed. “Why shouldn’t I be?”  
  
“Because you don’t have to be,” Dirk responded, “and you’re only making yourself worse. Just relax, everything’s going to be fine.”  
  
Roxy opened her mouth to retort, but thought better of it. Instead, she nodded, tightening her jaw. “Okay.”  
  
Dirk smiled, comfortingly. “Thanks. Don’t worry, she’ll be fine.”  
  
Together, they both flew upwards, towards the others.  
  
* * *  
  
As Dirk and Roxy arrived, John smiled at them. “There you are. What took you guys?”  
  
Roxy managed to bite back a scathing retort. “Nothing,” she finally managed. “We were just talking.”  
  
John nodded, then looked back at Jade and Rose. Rose was talking quitely to Jade, who didn’t respond, except to nod occasionally. After a moment, they turned to the gathered. “We’re ready.”  
  
“ **Oh, wonderful,** ” Callie replied. “ **Does it hurt?** ”  
  
Jade shook her head. “No! Not at all! It-“  
  
“It’s a little uncomfortable,” John managed. “Nothing major, just a general disorientation.”  
  
Jade glared at her brother. “Yeah, well, endless gusts of wind aren’t exactly comfortable either, John.”  
  
“My wind is like a huge endless pillow,” John huffed, “and anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong.”  
  
Rolling her eyes, Jade held out her hands. “Whatever.” As she spoke, a green glow began to encompass them, rising off of her fingers like tiny flames.  
  
Roxy cringed, but kept watching as the green glow began to surround Calliope, too, much more visible on her gargantuan frame. The glow began to get brighter and bright, surrounding Callie like a shining nova. Jade’s hands were similar, resembling a pair of white-hot gloves. Finally, the glow encompassed Callie completely, making the whole Incinisphere squint their eyes at the spectacle.  
  
When the light cleared, the kids saw the fruit of their labor.

**Author's Note:**

> Will update sporadically.


End file.
